If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing – Kingsley Amis

Concerned at his lack of work in his chosen field (which is acting, just incase any of you have forgotten), Orlando Bloom puts in some practice in a new line of employment as a….

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Let me apologise

Dearest friends, I must offer you all a heartfelt apology for my lack of posts over the last few months.

I’m suffering the most awful case of near terminal boredom with the Randy and Landy show.  I just cannot muster the energy required for a proper snark.  And my care factor for Mr and Mrs Phail is at an all time low.

I don’t know if I’ll return in any capacity any time soon.  Of course I’ll be sure to let you know if I miraculously return to form.

In the meantime, I’m sincerely sorry.

Imagine this if you will.

Joders is walking down the street, minding her own beeswax, enjoying the fresh air when suddenly she hears a familiar voice.

Stunned, Joders manages to pull out her trusty digital camera and surreptitiously begins taking photos, hoping that she will look like a tourist, hoping that she will not have her camera confiscated.  The photos are too good to be true.  They are all the proof that Joders needs.  And she wants to share them with you.  So that you too can see the proof with your very own eyes.

Holy crap!  I'd recognise that flat chest anywhere!
Nooo? It can’t be. Is it? (Joders peers through the viewfinder of her camera.)  Joders: Holy crap! I’d recognise that flat chest anywhere!
Well, looky here.  It's our favourite stupourmodel.  The one who looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid.  Wonder what she's doing?
Well, looky here. It’s our favourite stupourmodel. The one who looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid. Wonder what she’s doing?
Wait.  Is that the dingHo with a laptop?  Is she doing what I think she's doing?
Wait. Is that the dingHo with a laptop? Is she doing what I think she’s doing?
OMG!  I've caught her red handed!  Let me see if I can zoom in on the screen just so we can be sure.
OMG! I’ve caught her red handed! Let me see if I can zoom in on the screen just so we can be sure.
Oe, looke, itz mee an Orlee.  Ande heez kyssing mee ande fond, uhh, funl, oe phukitt, heez tutching mye bumb.  Suk on that, hayterz!
 Hahahaha! She’s been googling herself! I knew it! DingHo: Oe, looke, itz mee an Orlee. Ande heez kyssing mee ande fond, uhh, funl, oe phukitt, heez tutching mye bumb. Suk on that, hayterz!
Iznt hee ah dreembote?  Wye duzznt hee looke lyk this nowe?  It must bee trew that peepul lett themsellvs goe wen thayr in luve.
DingHo: Iznt hee ah dreembote? Wye duzznt hee looke lyk this nowe? It must bee trew that peepul lett themsellvs goe wen thayr in luve.
Heare wee r at Catsewyars.  Wee r sutch a byootaful cuppel, evrywon seyz sew.  Ande see howe happee wee luk tugettha?  Thatll showe u, fatt, jellus, haytas!  Wee ar a reel cuppel!  Hoo ar those otha peepul in thee shott?  Y kant thay gett theer big fatt heds out ov thee waye?
Heare wee r at Catsewyars. Wee r sutch a byootaful cuppel, evrywon seyz sew. Ande see howe happee wee luk tugettha? Thatll showe u, fatt, jellus, haytas! Wee ar a reel cuppel! Hoo ar those otha peepul in thee shott? Y kant thay gett theer big fatt heds out ov thee waye?
OMG!  Lookit howe byootafull eye em!  Eyem gawgess!  Looke, eyem a buttahflie!  Eyem flighing lyke a gawgess buttahflie!  Peepul r juste jellus ov mee coz thayr fatt, jellus haytas.  Oe, and becoz eyem phuckin' Orlee.
OMG! Lookit howe byootafull eye em! Eyem gawgess! Looke, eyem a buttahflie! Eyem flighing lyke a gawgess buttahflie! Peepul r juste jellus ov mee coz thayr fatt, jellus haytas. Oe, and becoz eyem phuckin’ Orlee.
 
Thee maykup artusts didd ae gud jobb ov cuvring up mye berthmarke, didnt thay?  Ande thee byootishan didd ae grate jobb on mye brasilyun tu.  Eyem az smuthe az ae babeez bumb.
Thee maykup artusts didd ae gud jobb ov cuvring up mye berthmarke, didnt thay? Ande thee byootishan didd ae grate jobb on mye brasilyun tu. Eyem az smuthe az ae babeez bumb.
Wayt ah minnit!  Wot iz this shyt?  Jodahs gayv it tu Wander?  Thay r juste fatt, jellus, haytas!  Carnt keepe thayr hans off eech otha!  Wot a pyle of shyt!  Didnt peepul cee that fotoe of mee and Orlee?  Thee won whare he haz hiz hans on mye arss?  Mee an Orlee r moor in luv than Meegun Gayl and Andee Leeh.  Meegun is a fatt, jellus hayta to.  Eva sinse eye tuuk her DeeJayz gigg.
Wayt ah minnit! Wot iz this shyt? Jodahs gayv it tu Wander? Thay r juste fatt, jellus, haytas! Carnt keepe thayr hans off eech otha! Wot a pyle of shyt! Didnt peepul cee that fotoe of mee and Orlee? Thee won whare he haz hiz hans on mye arss? Mee an Orlee r moor in luv than Meegun Gayl and Andee Leeh. Meegun is a fatt, jellus hayta to. Eva sinse eye tuuk her DeeJayz gigg.
Wot thee phuck!  Thoze bluddy Delfee girlz.  Thay ar awl fatt, jellus, haytas.  Truste them tu giv this shotte to Annahs.  Whye wont Whorelando Bloom phreake mee?  Eyell tell u whye, Annahs.  Itz becoz ur a fatt, jellus hatya tu!  Beesydez, y wood Orlee want tu doo it with u, wen hee kan doo it withe mee anee tyme he wontz tu?  And of coorse eyem crieing!  Thoze fat, jellus haytas inn St Boates, or whare eva thee hell eye woz, mayde mee wayte inn lyne.  Eyem a supamoddel, fore phucks sayke.  Eye shuldnt hav tu wayte fore aneethink!
Wot thee phuck! Thoze bluddy Delfee girlz. Thay ar awl fatt, jellus, haytas. Truste them tu giv this shotte to Annahs. Whye wont Whorelando Bloom phreake mee? Eyell tell u whye, Annahs. Itz becoz ur a fatt, jellus hatya tu! Beesydez, y wood Orlee want tu doo it with u, wen hee kan doo it withe mee anee tyme he wontz tu? And of coorse eyem crieing! Thoze fat, jellus haytas inn St Boates, or whare eva thee hell eye woz, mayde mee wayte inn lyne. Eyem a supamoddel, fore phucks sayke. Eye shuldnt hav tu wayte fore aneethink!
Iz thatt sumwon withe ae camra?  Iz thee presse hear?  Gawd, wot tooke them soooo longe?
 Iz thatt sumwon withe ae camra? Iz thee presse hear? Gawd, wot tooke them soooo longe? Thay muste hav got losst. Eye gayv them sutch goode direkshuns. U kant gett goode help theez dayz, kan u?
Doo eye looke ohkaye?  Eye need ae mirra!  Whare did eye putt mye blakberree?  Eyev gott ae reely hott pikcha of Orlee kyssing mee.  That wyll pruve that whare ae reel cuppel.  Stoopid, fat, jellus haytas.  Gawd, eyem soo byootaful!  Eye kan cee myselfe in tha reflekshun ov the computa skrean.  Eye dont noe wye peepul hayt mee so mutch.  Eyem reely pritty and eyem smarte.  Eyem riting a booke, u noe?  And eyem a boodist.  Evrywon luvs boodists!  Juste luuk at thee Dally Alpakka, uhh the Dolly Kashmeer, oe phukkit, that old munk guy.  Evrywon luvs him.  And eyem mutch moor popyula than him.
 Doo eye looke ohkaye? Eye need ae mirra! Whare did eye putt mye blakberree? Eyev gott ae reely hott pikcha of Orlee kyssing mee. That wyll pruve that whare ae reel cuppel. Stoopid, fat, jellus haytas. Gawd, eyem soo byootaful! Eye kan cee myselfe in tha reflekshun ov the computa skrean. Eye dont noe wye peepul hayt mee so mutch. Eyem reely pritty and eyem smarte. Eyem riting a booke, u noe? And eyem a boodist. Evrywon luvs boodists! Juste luuk at thee Dally Alpakka, uhh the Dolly Kashmeer, oe phukkit, that old munk guy. Evrywon luvs him. And eyem mutch moor popyula than him.
Luukl eyev gott mye Channell bagge.  Eye wishe eye woz wharing thee Bulgaria wringe that Orlee gayv mee.  That wood pruve that whare a reel cuppel and that hee luvs mee and wontz to phuk mee and marree mee.  Oe, eye meen eyem sew sup, uhh, sap, oe phukkit, eye dont beeleave thee paporartsee r hear!  Boo whoo!  Oe boo whoo!  Y karnt thee presse leeve me alown?  Eye karnt gett anee pryvicy!  Itz so harde tu liv a normul lyfe wen peepul juste wont leave u alown!
Luukl eyev gott mye Channell bagge. Eye wishe eye woz wharing thee Bulgaria wringe that Orlee gayv mee. That wood pruve that whare a reel cuppel and that hee luvs mee and wontz to phuk mee and marree mee. Oe, eye meen eyem sew sup, uhh, sap, oe phukkit, eye dont beeleave thee paporartsee r hear! Boo whoo! Oe boo whoo! Y karnt thee presse leeve me alown? Eye karnt gett anee pryvicy! Itz so harde tu liv a normul lyfe wen peepul juste wont leave u alown!
Hay, wayte ae minnit.  Thatz nott thee presse.  Eye thinke thatz Jodahs!  Whye wood she wonte tu tayke pikchas ov mee?  Hay, don't runn awae Jodahs!  Eye wonte ur camra.  Giv mee ur camra!  Dont think eye dont noe whare tu fynd u Jodahs!  Shyt, she kan runn fast fore a fatt, jellus hayta.  Oe well, sheel keepe.  Eyell get her soona ore layta.  Eye mite az well get bak tu thee intawebb.  Eye wante tu cee wot Bedpann, Blobspue, Blobswurth and Delfee r saeing abowt mee todae.  And I hav tu logg on to JayJay tu.  Eye luv Jarrid.  Hee noes eyem byootaful, suksessful, popyula and ritch and hee noes that Orlee and mee hav a reel relashunshipp.  I wunda howe manny fatt, jellus haytas will bee thare todae?  Eye hope that Maefraine iz logged on.  Sheez alwayz got mye bak.  Eye'll hav tu reveew her salry soone.
Hay, wayte ae minnit. Thatz nott thee presse. Eye thinke thatz Jodahs! Whye wood she wonte tu tayke pikchas ov mee? Hay, don’t runn awae Jodahs! Eye wonte ur camra. Giv mee ur camra! Dont think eye dont noe whare tu fynd u Jodahs! Shyt, she kan runn fast fore a fatt, jellus hayta. Oe well, sheel keepe. Eyell get her soona ore layta. Eye mite az well get bak tu thee intawebb. Eye wante tu cee wot Bedpann, Blobspue, Blobswurth and Delfee r saeing abowt mee todae. And I hav tu logg on to JayJay tu. Eye luv Jarrid. Hee noes eyem byootaful, suksessful, popyula and ritch and hee noes that Orlee and mee hav a reel relashunshipp. I wunda howe manny fatt, jellus haytas will bee thare todae? Eye hope that Maefraine iz logged on. Sheez alwayz got mye bak. Eye’ll hav tu reveew her salry soone.

Joders:  Phew, that was close!  Thank goodness Miranduuhhhh didn’t get my camera.  Now we’ve got the proof we were looking for.  The dingHo is online all the time, googling herself, visiting our blogs and messageboards, pretending to be other people and leaving comments in support of herself.  And Maefraine is on her payroll!

After reacquainting myself with the Meet the Parents series of photos with Randy and Landy, I decided that one of the photos reminded me very much of one of my most favourite Gary Larson cartoons.

So today I decided to compare the two.

First we have Gary Larson:

Then we have Meet the Parents with Randy and Landy:

What Moronduuhhh says

What Whorely hears

Oh my God!  That’s amazing!

Next thing you know, we’ll find out Moronduuhhh went to Midvale School for the Gifted 😛

Sources:  Gary Larson Farside, OLove

A few days ago Prince William and Kate Middleton made their first Official appearance together after having announced their engagement last year.  They look very happy together and I think Kate is doing a great job of carrying out her Royal duties.

Wills and Kate enjoying themselves at Anglesey

This first official appearance got me thinking about another first official appearance of another very much in love and well suited young couple.  It took place in April 2008 in Sydney.  I’m sure you all know who I’m talking about.  They’re just as famous as William and Kate you know.  Ha!  Hahaha!  Hahahahahaaaaa!

And their first official appearance is even more important because it was the first time Landy met Randy’s daddy.  Awwwwww!

Landy looking soooooo in lurve and so interested in his company

Now, at first sight, these two photos of official first appearances don’t really seem to have too much in common.

However, there is one HUGE and glaringly obvious similarity and no, it isn’t that both couples are madly in love.  I mean, one of the couples is involved in a rather large set up romance, also known as a showmance or a fauxmance.  I’ll give you a hint.  It’s not William and Kate.  The Royal Family learned the hard way that it’s not very smart to arrange “romances”.

So this similarity.  “What is it?” I hear you all ask.  It’s so simple and so obvious.  Gah!  I can’t keep it from you any longer!

The paparazzi was INVITED along for both appearances!

See, I told you it was obvious 😀

Source:  express.co.uk and OLove

Remember last year at the announcement of the engagement of Kate Middleton to Prince William it was said that a number of lucky common type people would be invited via Golden Ticket to the wedding ceremony?

Guess what?  Look what arrived on my doorstep this afternoon!

Oh my God!  I’m so excited!  I can’t believe I’m invited!  I’ve never been to a Royal Wedding before!  And I’ll bet Kate doesn’t lose her wedding gown on the way home from the wedding / honeymoon!

OMG!  What do I wear ?

Since most of us are suffering from a severe case of writers block and / or terminal boredom, I thought we’d try yet another new game.  This one is called Caption It (hence the name of the post).

We take a photo of a celebretard (today’s lucky guest celebretard is our very own and much loved Whorely) and we guess what we think they might be saying.

Seems easy, yes?

Okay then, here’s the photo and to help get us started, my attempt at a caption:

Whorely:  Arrrrrrghhh!  Oh my God!  My scraggly beard!  I’ve gotten her, ummmmm, I meant IT caught in my zipper!

Your turn! 

Source:  eyeprime

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